On being single

I think this would be a good place to add a note about this blog,
this was a rather offensive blog, but it was not intended as such,
In reality this was mostly just quotes form various girls that I heard in the time directly before I wrote this entry. Not all of it is exact quotes, but that was largely my inspiration.

WARNING! This Blog could be read as offensive,
but that is not it's intent. Some (if not all) readers should probably start with my comments, or the Mathemagician's four points. Some amendments are likely forth coming. THIS IS NOT 27 STATEMENTS CRITICIZING THE WHOLE OF WOMANDOM. It's more a satire, or at least historical fiction, if read with a smile, it's a lot better.
Please enjoy. Ü

Why I'm single.As near as I can tell here are some of the reasons that I am still single.I know that this list is not comprehensive,but I think it hits some of the finer points.

First,It's my hands, I have no idea why, but I definitely don't have the right hands.

Second, For many years I have felt that it is more important to be debt-free, than to have a nice car.I still say it's logical, but lot's of girls really do care what you drive.

Third,I'm not Promiscuous, I've never seen myself on TV with my shirt off,I've never seen myself sleeping with lots of women,But listen to girls, when they see one of these guys,They go crazy for 'em.

fourthI'm not rude enough.I know, I'm probably getting better at this one.(worse in my eyes)but for some reason, many girls seem to prefer those who ignore them,or belittle them, It's true girls will say, "why can't we find a nice guy?"But I say, those who say that probably don't even see the nice guys that are often right there.

Fifth it's something about a belt and shoes,

Sixth.I don't have money coming out my ears.Near as I can tell girls like money,And while I'm not opposed to having money,it's not my top priority either.

Seventh. I'm looking for someone who is both open and honest. I know, it's not an easy thing, but deep in my heart I hope she exists. You know, someone who will actually tell you what they are thinking. Someone who will tell you what you've done wrong. Someone who cares enough about me,to help me if my thought process goes astray (i.e.; doesn't match hers). Some one who is willing to talk things out, if there is a problem.

Eighth.Divorce scares me.Probably the scariest movie you could show me would be two hours about a lot of people getting divorced.The numbers are ridiculous. So many people do it these days. I really never want that to happen to me.I hope to find someone that I can really communicate with. Some one that is not so fickle as to leave me when there is trouble,Of course things change, that is inevitable, but what ever happened to commitment.

Ninth.There are few things more annoying than when a girl won't receive your compliment.though right up there is the girl who constantly puts herself down.I have met very few girls that can receive a compliment. Thus very few girls that I could spend eternity with.

Tenth,I don't flirt very well. I suppose it would help if I was better, but I'm not.

Eleventh. I can't stand gossip. Or maybe more appropriately, I can't stand people talking about other people.But you know what they say, "telegraph, telephone, tell a woman." the last one is fastest, because it's exponential.I personally try to never tell a woman anything, because I don't think it is everybody's business.

Twelvth. I'm not gay. Gay seems to work better all around. The Gay guys like ya, and the straight girls like ya. Gay guys understand fashion, and gossip, and everything that girls want. I do not.

Thirteenth.Hormones scare me. Girls seem to have these infamous mood swings. Honestly, that scares me. Menopause and Pregnancy and bad hair days.
Eeeee!

Fourteenth.Girls are manipulative.You've probably said it yourself.It's all about getting what they want. Not telling you what they want,but tricking you into doing it anyway.

Fifteenth.Girls love guilt.I don't.I don't think a guilt trip is very good motivation.It just builds resentment. But the girl does often get what she wants because of it.

Sixteenth.Girls are immodest.I have seen hundreds if not thousands of good girls who wouldn't know modest if it hit them in the face.They talk a good game, but they dress like they shouldn't. I don't want to see their underwear, and when I do, they loose my respect. consequently there are very few dateable girls.

Seventeenth.I'm not sure.I've been in some very good relationships, that somehow just dissolved.I'm not sure what happened.

Eighteenth.I don't have roommates. thus I live in a black hole like environment.I could easily count the number of times that girls have come to visit me.

Nineteenth.I'm awkward around women. they make me nervous. we live forever in stories, but not in their lives.

twenty.I don't like dancing.Well, not most of it anyway.I do see that under certain circumstances it could be fun, but mostly it's not.I don't like the music. I don't like the suggestive moves. I don't like having someone in my space.I don't even like the atmosphere.

Twenty one.I'm not going to kiss you on the first date.I'm not going to do it on the second either.I don't know when I'll do it, but undoubtedly it's after the girl wants it to be.

Twenty two.If your dating me, but spend more time with your other friends I would say that doesn't bode well.(true story, six years ago).

Twenty three, Communication. I can't say that enough.

Twenty four.I'm not much of a fighter.sure, I'll state my opinion, but if the line I have to wait in to get a date with you is too long, I usually just find another line.

Twenty five,I want to be attracted to the person.Not that I'm saying this is hard, but I'm sure it's still a factor.

Twenty six.I want to have similar interests.If interests, or ideas are different, then chances are it just won't work.Or at least it hasn't yet. I don't see why it would change.

Twenty seven, I can't marry a two year old.Nor would I. though I have to admit, two year old girls really like me.it's unlike anything that I have ever seen before.it's just too bad that they grow out of it.At least I assume they do. I guess the ones that flirt with me aren't old enough to tell yet.

there you have it,one for every year,though certainly not one for every mistake that I have made.By the way I know that grammatically this post has errors,I don't care.
I'm sure there are more reasons, If I knew them all, I would probably be married.but I don't, and I have to admit, some of the ones I do know, I just don't understand. But hey, that's not really my job now is it. If I said something offensive, please let me know,
maybe we can talk about it, and come to some sort of pleasant resolution.

The odd man out

I guess I've always kind of been the O.M.O.
Often by choice, but often not too.

The other day Johnson got married.
Johnson was the last... well last except me.
This was my group.
This was my possee.
Well sort of.
These were the people my age,
but I spent more time with them than they spent with me..
They were generally pretty nice,
but I wasn't essential to the experience.

I guess things are better now. I'm still the O.m.o., I wasn't wearing green like everybody else. but they did come find me for the after party. College was fairly similar,
Almost all of my roomates were engaged, so people rarely came to visit. One year I had a whole building to myself. (12 apts. & 36 rooms, but just one tenent, me, the o.m.o.
I guess that's why I want a wife,
someone who has to spend time with me.
Yes, the gang is better now,
but they're all married so that changes things.
You know, married people are different,
sometimes is location, sometimes it't repsonsibility,
But I know that non of them see any of the rest of uss all that often.
So maybe now we have all become the odd man out.
I more than they, but all of us more than before.

Part II:Used, it's not as bad as it sounds.

The other day, Johnson got married, If you're reading top down, you already know that.
As some of you know, I do some work for weddings.
Actually I started my business, with weddings in mind.
I'll admit, some are better than others, but still I do weddings.
Now here's the odd part, Johnson and I go way back, but they didn't have me make the video.
But it gets even better.
Somehow, something went awry, they ended up showing the video on a very small screen,
I'm guessing it was between 9 and 12 inches.
Just two four blocks from where the reception was held I keep a 27 inch TV,
Just for this purpose, just one simple call, and it could have been theirs.
actually if they had given me a couple of days notice, I could have probably even scored a projector. But alas, I was not used.
But here's the thing, I like to be used.
I think people should be used,
Not abused, but used.
used still sounds bad, I guess I'll go on.
I like it when I can help someone else.
I like knowing how to do something, and when others know that I do.
In this case, I could have include the rental in their present,
but I guess ultimately I don't care that much about money.
I'd be happy to work for little or nothing,
as long as I knew my family had enough.
As odd as it sounds,
I guess I like to work.
(I know, I'm as lazy as the next guy, but I really do like some good work)
Even if I had enough money,
I would still need to work.
I guess I just like to help people out.
especially when I can do something well,
and also, when that is recognized.

Bloglike

I was laying on my back,
I was laying on my roof,
I was looking at the sky,
I was looking at the clouds,
It was peaceful,
It was pleasant,
I remembered a few of the things I like.
I like rainbows, and rain, and thunder, and lightning.
I like waterfalls, water fountains, and watershows, and streams.
I like Cliffs, and canyons, and mountains, and vistas.
I like gardens, and fruits, and vegetables, and open-air markets.