Wednesday, November 15, 2006


I like backwards.

I really do.

It's true, I've always been a little different.
But I have always liked backwards.

I guess Backwards has a few different meanings.
And I don't necessarily mean dull, or sluggish, stupid, or regressive.
But rather I mean things like walking backwards, and reading upside down,
and taking things in an order of my own choosing.

One thing that I would really like to have an atypical order for, would be success.

And I don't know that I would be opposed to being hugely successful,
but part of me would really rather wait to get to that point.

Now waiting, in and of itself, is not that backwards,
but wanting to wait. I'm guessing that is.

But honestly part of me is glad that I'm not there yet.
Yeah I'd love it if I had less debt, especially all this new stuff
from the hospitals (yes my leg is doing quite well, thanks )

But success? nah, I can wait.
I mean dating is hard enough as it is,
and if you had to add to that not knowing if the person really liked you,
or really just liked success, I think it would be harder.

Do they love they fame?
or the money?
or the lifestyle?
or the security?
or the person?

To me I think the person is ultimately best.
and in my case that's about all I have - so maybe I'm a little biased.

I mean sure I think there's a good chance that in some ways I am very likely above average.
but as far as physical proof goes, I just don't have it.
I guess if a girl wanted to seriously date me, she would have to have faith,
or perhaps I could date someone with really low expectations.
Or someone with a sweet inheritance... from their dying unlce... Tony.
(but I guess that would sort of be like having low expectations)

I've heard a lot lately this this is backwards.
I hear from girls that they want to see the plan.
They want to know the path.
But I think plans change. Quite frequently sometimes.
and sometimes plans don't change as often as they should.
And sometimes the path we are on doesn't go where we think..
and sometimes the path can change on the way.
And often the destinations aren't nearly as glamourous as the brochures make them out to be.

And so I stick to my backwards ways.
I don't fully know what my life will bring.
And I'm ok with that.
And even if I did, I might not say.

I have some Ideas, and some that I quite like,
but in a backwards kind of way I like just having a job,
and having enough.
(though a little more time, now that would be nice)