Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Be right, right now.

It was late one night.
probably about midnight,
and I, being the sensible person that I am,
decided it must be time to call it a night.
I locked up my office, and headed for home,
but as I left the building something was different,
something was missing.
It was my bike.
yep true story. At first I was confused.
Did I bring my bike?
yes I must have, my car wasn't there either.
So I searched a little, but still no bike.
I guess the first thing I noticed was that I wasn't worried.
I mean why should I be, It's not like gas was really expensive,
or like I didn't have plenty of money to buy a new bike,
a bike much nicer than the one that I had.
It's not like I spent hundreds of dollars on it,
and saved for years before I could purchase it,
It's not like I'd had it long enough to become attached.
It's not like my mom would freak out if she knew.

Oddly enough I wasn't worried,
I wanted to worry, but I couldn't,
So I did what any logical person would do,
I started walking.
I only live about two miles from work,
and it hadn't started to get really cold yet.
so I walked.
I passed some kids playing with my bike,
and I thought, hmm that could be mine.
but how would I know it was really dark.
really dark.
And I walked. I just kept walking,
And as much as I wanted to worry I couldn't.
The whole weekend I had no bike,
In fact I was so not worried that I forgot it was gone.
Then monday when I got to work I just worked.
The bike spot I've chosen was pretty much empty.
and by that I mean there was nothing there.
But I guess I didn't care, I just went back to work.
After a while my landlord came to see me.
A neighbor had called him, and said he thought he had something of mine. So at lunch I went next door. Next door to a little motel. There safe in his store room, was my lovely old bike.

And now for the moral of the story.

In order to give you the moral,
I have to tell the story from another perspective.
(the names have been changed (because I didn't know them to begin with)other details, may or may not be correct)

Gus was a man of extremely bad fortune.
Gus was a victim of 9/11. No gus wasn't in the tower, when terror attacked. but gus was affected nonetheless. He didn't have the greatest job, but it was a job. It paid the bills, and that was enough. But then something happened, and it wasn't good. Gus lost his job. See when terrorists attack, they don't think about people, they think about glory, and causes, and retaliation. Yet somehow they forget to think about gus, but what had gus done for them. the economy went south, not irreparibly, but many were hurt. And Gus was one of them. For years he went on, from one job to the next, he just wanted to be happy, but his life kept falling apart. So gus started drinking. It didn't fix anything, but it seemed to numb his pain. In fact it numbed everything. He lost a few jobs, and left a few others, nothing was working, nothing at all.
He cashed his last check and packed up his bags. It was time to start over.
somehwere, anywhere, anywhere but here.
This is where my story meets his.
He stopped here in town,
he stopped here next door.
He unpacked his bike, and he went for a ride.
The area was amazing. he felt so free.
This was all he wanted. His bike gave him freedom,
and that was all he had left.

He rode for a while then came back to the hotel.
reality hit, life was still a mess.
So off he went, to drown out his sorrows.
He was gone quite a while, it must have been hours,
and when he got back, his bike had moved.
It wasn't far off, but it definately wasn't where he left it.
it wasn't locked, but why would he lock it,
so he picked it up, and walked it back home,
He decided he'd better not be so careless this time, so he parked it in his room.
And there it stayed, all that night.
then in the morning, as he started to leave, he noticed something,
He had two bikes. One in his room, and one down below, out on the porch, where he had left it. Well gus had a problem, he'd done something wrong,
But gus wasn't stupid, it was going to stop there. He didn't know where the second bike had come from (being drunk can do that), but he knew it wasn't his.
So he parked it by the rail, out in front of his room.
There were a lot of things that he could have done, And a lot of them were worse.
But he wasn't a bad person, he just made some mistakes.
Well by now you should know, what happened to my bike,
the manager found it, and called me to return it.

Suddenly there was restitution. What was wrong became right. Everyone had what was rightfully theirs. And this is my point. When Gus realized the bike wasn't his he stopped using it. By stopping his wrongness, he became right, but he had to admit he was wrong. Sure he could have just kept it, pretended it was his, taken it to a pawn shop to pick up some cash, but he didn't. He decided to be right, right now. Now things would have been different if he had realized sooner, he could have looked down, and noticed a difference, as he was taking it home. Then Gus would have returned it, and probably found his. Gus could have left town with it, then where would I be. I guess the moral is that the sooner we admit that we have been wrong the sooner we can start to enjoy being right. It doesn't really matter how wrong we have been. What matters most is whether or not we are right, right now.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

The prettiest girl ever

Now this could be another article about the girl I'm dating
(or not dating, see previous post), but it's not.
Ok and maybe this would apply, but this is a different subject all together.
And for once I am going to try to be funny without being mean.
So who is the prettiest girl ever? It's whoever she wants it to be.
Let me describe her.

Her eyes are radient - they seem to glow. They glow because they are interested. They glow because they are happy. They glow because they are healthy.

Her body is healthy. I'm not saying it's perfect, but then how would I even know if it was. and what is perfect. No just healthy. I really do believe that our health affects our happiness, and both affect our beauty.

But you know what I really love?
It's her smile. And the funny thing is, everybody has one.
Still nothing beats a good smile. I'm not talking about orthodontia. I don't care if you have professionally whitened teeth. I don't even care what brand of toothpaste you use, or where you squeeze the tube, sure I would probably prefer that you use some, but that goes back to healthy right?

Of course if you smoke, do meth, or drink coffee that will pretty much kill your smile.But lets assume you don't. What then makes your smile so nice?You do. ( I know I sound like that commercial for the partnership for a better something or other). It's beautiful becuase you use it.

Yep that's the other thing.

She smiles.
She smiles a lot.
She smiles at me. She smiles because of me,
but not only because of me.She smiles because she means it.
Shes happy. She's beautiful.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Two things about girls

Or in other words What the Heck is going on?
Yes it's true this is another blog born of my lovely frustration.
and most likely it's completely unjustified, but I don't care,
this is my blog, and I'm going to write it.
but if you start a petition fast enough, maybe you can get it removed, before anybody sees it. Ü
And so I repeat: What the heck is going on?
I mean really, is that too much to ask?
I just want to know.
I mean this whole dating thing is hard enough,
but that's the thing, I don't even know if I am.
I mean ok there's just two of us, and we have a regular date,
but, I still have no clue.
every week, or maybe not quite, but still I don't know.
It's just one of those times,
you know, you think things are great, but who knows what she thinks.
and sometimes you think "progress"
and then you think "huh?"

I sure that I'm going about this all wrong,
but what if I am.
I know too many gossips to feel comfortable doing it otherwise.
but is that the problem?
Am I just not acting comfortable enough.

I could definately understand if that was the case,
but no one has told me if it is.
And it could easily be something else,
but again I just don't know.

It's sad.
it's true.
I don't konw what to do.

(Sorry, thought it and it just came out)

and sometimes I think "I'm not fond of this situation,
I'm going to fix it, but it doesn't fix.
So step back and think,
and I'm back on my path,
my path is a circle.
and I have no idea what the circle means,
so until she tells me,
or I do something most likely stupid
I'm stuck in my cage.
and there I sit spinning,
spinning running the wheel, but going nowhere.
going nowhere, but getting stronger.
hopefully stronger, hopefully smarter.
running still running.

OK now in other unrelated news.
I think girls should wear sleeves
I think it is appropriate.
I'm not asking for much,
but a good old fashion bona fide sleeve.
you know one of those tubes that comes out
at you shoulder.
not those fake things
here I'll draw you a picture.
This shirt does not have sleeves,yea those sneaky clothing people say it does,but it' doesn't it is a sleaveless shirt with seams.It's true, nothing protrudes.nothing at all

This shirt does not have sleeves,
yea those sneaky clothing people say it does,
but it' doesn't it is a sleaveless shirt with seams.
It's true, nothing protrudes.
nothing at all

Ok my highly technical drawings aren't working,
But here's what I say.
I say that a sleeve should cover your arm.
if you stand with your arms out,
there should be something the whole way around your arm,
in fact if there is a question about how much sleeve you actually have,
I say you need ought to have more.
well I guess I'm out of time,
but have a great day.
and go read something interesting now.


Thursday, November 03, 2005

On loot and looting

"There is more treasure in books
than in all the pirates' loot on Treasure Island
and at the bottom of the Spanish Main...
and best of all, you can enjoy these riches
every day of your life.
--Walt Disney--

For many years pirates have sailed the open seas.

Pirates were the feared of men.

Pirates were the terror.

And yet the lives they led weren't really all that

glamourous. In reality, many pirates ate poorly, did not become fabulously wealthy, and died young. How's that for a life, but think about it. I pirate is no more that a petty theif with a boat. But that's going to far, not all pirates owned boats, they just used them.

Pirates were every tom, dick and harry, that a captain could scrounge up. These were the people who had nothing else to do. no family to come home to, and didn't care for anything 'cept perhaps when their next drink would come.

Fortunately today good people everywhere
have virtually stamped out piracy.

Actually, instead of stamping it out, we have assimilated it.
We are the pirates of the new millenium. We are the ones who rob and plunder. We are the ones who take that which is rightfully ours, and perhaps a little more.

And it's not that we're trying to be bad,
or even sometimes that we realize we are doing something wrong,
It's just that it has become socially acceptable to be a pirate. In fact a recent survey published in some big magazine (business week (this week) I think) said that 52% of the people surveyed didn't think that there was anything wrong with piracy.

So what is the loot of our generation?
Aye the loot.
'tis all around.
For some 'tis music, Aye yes tis the song.
A boatload of lyrics we're takeen' for free.
From the internet, from our friends, from our favourite CD.

Avast ye for others 'tis the warm summer breeze.
huh? that doesn't make any sense!
Man@! talking like a pirate is hard.

Ok but what else is there?
Some of us Pirate movies.
It's really not that hard.
but is the level of difficulty directly correlated
to the whether it is right or wrong?

And when you need a million dollars,
what better way is there to get it than


Ok that was a happy accident,
I didn't mean for it to look like that but when I saw it,
it was love.
I mean shoot everybody's doin' it.
and besides if you've got enough money to hire somebody to embezzle from you than surely you won't miss it.

But is it Piracy if we are taking from those with more money than us? we are after all, very poor, and some of these companies make a lot of money! What on earth are they doing charging us these crazy prices. I mean ok, it's not like we really need most of this stuff, but what if we really want it,

or what if we might think, that perhaps at sometime we could want it. I mean the people who actually create something what right do they have to it or it's distribution. OK, I admit,
I'm a softy (just don't tell my pirate friends or they'll make me walk the plank) I really do believe that if I create something that I should get my share of the bounty from every single person who can benefit from it. If I paint a painting, I want money from everyone who hangs it in their house (or shed, or even if they keep it in a grain silo). And if I wrote software, I would want a little money for every computer that that software gets put on.
and I know I guess you could say I'm greedy, but hey this is a blog about pirates and well pirates are greedy.

Of course there is check fraud kind of amazing how far piracy has come. To think that you don't have to use a sword to be a pirate anymore. (Actually I think that would be the coolest part) but heck, you don't have to board their boat, you don't have to fly your Jolley Roger before you attack anymore. You don't have to meet your enemy, you don't even have to see them. Just get their money straight from the bank. Those bankers are so nice. I mean every day they give out millions of dollars. Most of it goes to the right places, and what thanks do they get? Shoot, they almost never give your money to the wrong person. And their job has got to be tough, what with all those cameras always watching them. Do you think they ever get stage fright? and forget their lines?

Of course with our tithes ... you know the scripture.

And then there are lotteries. This is by far the coolest type of piracy I have found. I mean think about it you get to let millions of defenseless people beat themselves up, and then you take their money. Ok, they don't have a lot of it usually, but there are millions of them. So you make out like the proverbial bandit!
And the best part is, it's lot's of stupid old ladies and lazy poor people (it's like taking candy from a baby)

Not All Treasure is Silver and Gold

--Disney's Pirates of the Carribean--

no. that's stupid. If you took candy from a baby at least they would cry. And maybe the old ladies are stupid, and maybe the others aren't poor, or very lazy, but a lot of them do fit at least one of those things. If you want to be really sneaky call it something like bingo! the name has such zing that they'll gladly open their wallets.

Wow piracy is everywhere, and no we're not quite as bad as china yet. ( they've figured out fascinating ways to rip off, knock off, steal and skim) And we're probably not even as bad as europe, or at least as open about it. But seriously this is epidemic. There's so much piracy, and most of it by people just like us.

Fortunately there are a few things we can do.
yep the first step to fixing piracy is to stop yourself,
don't copy your software,
don't copy your movies,*
don't even copy your music.
And don't ask others to copy theirs for you.

*Now a bit of counsel about movies.
There is one school of thought that says that you are paying for the right to watch the movie. This has never been tried in a court.
But there are some cases where you would lose! This school would say that you are well within your rights to make a back-up copy for yourself. Maybe sometimes you are.
back·up 'Audio ( P ) Pronunciation Key (bkp)

    1. A reserve or substitute.
    2. Computer Science. A copy of a program or file that is stored separately from the original.

The definition is pretty clear. You can only use one copy of a something, at any one time. And Some companies have even found a brilliant way around that (and I don't mean DRM).
Disney has said "yes, believe you should be able to watch our wonderful movies forever" (their thoughts not mine)
And while I don't agree with or wholely support Disney on a lot of things, they have a bulletproof arguement here.

They say, like everyone else, that we as the consumers, have absolutely no right to copy their stuff. However, they also say that they will. Just register your disc, and if anything happens to it they'll replace it for some minimal fee, like the price of shipping.
True Story! did you catch that? anything! say you drop it down a mountain. Or your kid thought realized how tasty those dvd's can be. They replace their disc for life!
(Disney is a Huge Conglomerate including such companies as Pixar ( at least for a little while), Touchstone, Miramax, and others.)

Use Gel Pens, They're safer (for your checks)
and finally don't wear white earbuds.
I know it sounds silly, but they are a big red flag.
We have a new generation of Pick-Podders, and they want your IPod, heck I want your IPod, they are pretty cool.
(way to go Apple)
But seriously the buds are like a beacon calling out,
"here, I have $100 in my pocket." And sometimes ole' long John
will get lucky and find the really nice one.
If you're going to do that, you might as well just give it to me.
I'm sure I could find it a good home.

Check your credit

So Pirates we Arrrgh, and Pirates we Be.
but never the pirates life for me.
thanks for reading,
and I hope that the Pirate blog was all that you hoped it would be.

Special Thanks to the Wikipedia (, My sibs, Disney, and my faithful blog readers and everyone else.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Five things I ____ about dating

First let me start with an apology.
no this is not about pirates,
though I do think that it would be interesting
to yammer about dating with pirate metaphors and similes
and jargon all relating to dating.
And trust me I think I could do it.
but I'm kinda in a hurry,
so in order to avoid the injustice that either
topic deserves I'm going to skip my discussion on
pirates, and go straight to dating,
I know that's probably not on the list,
but it is on my mind, so following a short commercial
we will resume with the topic of dating.

Are you Bored?
Is your mind wasting away in front of a tv?
Or maybe a computer screen?

Well have no fear!
I have a Solution for you.
Trade in your Boredom for a wonderful
new inovation. BOARD GAMES!

Board games may not be new.
but many of them are.
check out the comments on this blog,
for the newest location of Across the Board Games.
(yes even newer than you think)
A great place for all your gaming needs.
They Can Cure Boredom
(and baldness I think).
shop well.

Well dating.
I think I shall call this blog Five things I love about dating,
but I don't know if there are five things I love about dating,
so I may call it five things I hate about dating,
or maybe five things I don't understand about dating,
or maybe, you can tell me what it should be called,
oh and by the way,
I'm not going to limit myself to 5
but I might run out of time.

#1 Selection.
How on earth is a person to ever even pick someone to date.
I mean, let's face it there are billions of people on earth,
and literally thousands that one could date.
where do you even start.
and once your there,
how do you know if your going the right way.
I mean I guess you just have to find someone that has anything that you like
and if you don't know anything you like you ask them out.
(problematic at best)
I hate the whole choosing process!

#3 I know this is right after one,
but the order is debateable,
though I've heard this is correct.
After you pick a person you have to plan a date.
(is this sounding like work yet? and nobody pays us for it)
ideally you can't just plan a date,
you have to plan it for your date.
(yep, problematic too). of course if we knew the person,
we wouldn't need a date to get to know them,
but, what are the odds of that,
I mean who marries the girl next door anyway.
Ok Jason did, but actually she lived across the street.
and so begins the whirlpool.
date to get to know some'un, get to know some'un so you can date them.

#3 b to group or not to group.
Grouping is good!
Grouping is Bad!
if you have a group you don't have to do all the work,
and by work, I mostly mean talking.
but other work too.
if you group that's that many more people you have to plan for.
and that many more people to coordinate with.
yes we're not there yet but coordinating is tough.
I mean really we date at the time of our lives when our schedules are most busy,

which bring me to number next.

#2 Asking
so let's say you found someone to date.
how do you ask them?
Do you know that there are actually rules about this?
It doesn't matter how free your schedule is,
I hear that the guy is supposed to pick a date.
and ok, I can see this sort of,
but girls don't always make it easy.
some girls are never free.
can you imagine,
a guy doing as much as he possibly can
and still the stupid girls that he asks out, won't
even take a few precious minutes out of their schedule to
let him have a date.
(it's not like they even have to do anything)
(granted there are things that would be nice,
but really just going on a date, it's not that hard)
(except of course all the things mentioned herein).
Actually this happened to me twice this summer.
I asked two different girls out,
and they both said that they "would love to" go out,
(I'm not making that up)
but neither of them was available for the date I picked.
(shame on me for picking a date)
but neither of them was actually ever available.
I asked and asked, and after three weeks I decided
that I must have miss judged them, they were not my type.
They were liars.
Ok maybe they weren't liars,
but still this whole process is hard enough,
and if girls are going to make it harder they should be avoided
(not that I have met a whole lot of girls that don't make it harder, but that's another story).

actaully the last two girls I asked out made it easier,
(in other words not impossible).
one actually gave me alternative options,
(let's not forget that I already had a plan, we were going to a party)
so I knew that she was available-ish,
and then there was my other problem,
what about the party.

do you ask by phone?
cellphone? and how did you get the number?
I mean it's not that hard,
but does that make it kosher?
what about a letter,
maybe a registered letter.
do you mail it,
or put something on their door,
(what if you put something on their door, but you forget to sign it?)
what if you sign it, but forget to say who it's for?
what if you put it in their locker,
or at least you thought it was their locker?
do you ask in person?
what if they're never alone?
good grief how does one isolate from the heard.
what if the heard is other guys?
what if it's not?

I can tell you what not to do.
Don't isolate them by asking them to dance.

I personally like email,
but it too has it's draw backs,
can you believe some people don't
check their email?
asking is problematic.
I don't like asking.

And so I'm out of time,
you're probably out of time too.
but I still have two more items (at least)
#4 talk talk.

#5 do or do not

#4 talk talk.
talk talk talk. (that is one funny looking word)
what do you talk about?
what if they never start a thread of conversation?
what do you talk about?
what if they don't like your jokes?
what if they don't even get them?
what if your jokes really aren't funny?
what if you know them enough that you can't use good small talk.
You know where they're from, you know what they're studying.
you know where they live, and with who, and for why?
what if you already used your small talk, but didn't get enough info
to start your big talk.
and how soon do you talk about really cool, deep, stuff?

#5 do or do not
and then you do it again,
or do you?
I mean do you do it again with the same person,
and how on earth do you know,
or do you start over again,
or do you do it again?

I just don't know,
what I do know is that I have at least five things that I hate about dating.
I just hope that it works out somehow.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005



Wow, am I long winded or what.
that was a really long post.
ok. ok. I think it looks longer than it is,
because I used different formatting,
but I guess that's just part of the game.
Speaking of game.
I do. I like games,
I like puzzles,
I like puzzle games.

some of my favourite games makers are
Milton-bradley/Parker Brothers/ Hasbro (can you belive they're all the same now)?
and fundex

Some of my favourite boardgames are
Settlers (the whole series
Scrabble (hasbro)
Apples to Apples
Monopoly (they had to be here, I mean come on!)
1313 deadend drive

well thanks for reading
this message sponsered in part by board games.
do something fun. do it for your family, do it for yourself.


I have decided that for my second blog,
I should do something really interesting.
I have not decided what that means,
but I felt like writing, so here I am.

I have come to the conclusion that blogs should contain cool stuff,
unfortunately the cool stuff isn't flowing yet,
so you get to read my ramblings while I try to
work this into something interesting.

I guess it must be time for a story.

I have the coolest best friend on earth.
he's a self made bazillionaire
and about the funniest person I've ever met.
ok, so he's not a bazillionaire, (yet)
but he is really funny.

One he decided that the good people of Arby's needed
umm, a little excitement in their lives,
and we were just the people to help them out.
(actually he decided that a lot, but he
did work there for a few years, so I guess he would know).

He did many things to help them -- from juggling knives
to suprise kitchen water fights,
(all of which I must add were done with the
utmost regard for the hallowed reputation of said Arby's)

But this particular night he wasn't working.
Why a person would want to go back,
when they spent their whole life there, I still have not figured out,
but we did. Perhaps his mom was out of town.

Sidenote: my friend is brilliant, but somehow he never really learned to cook.
By his own admission he would happily live on pop-tarts if he could.
Sometimes he even burnt his pop-tarts,
but then way day, a miracle (acutally there were two)
but anyway, one day he learned that you didn't have to cook a pop-tart.
and voila! no more burnt meals.ª

(The second miracle was that he got married,
and amazingly his wife is a really good cook.
---see ª above)

But back to the story. Through a chain of events that i
have since forgotten, we ended up at Arby's

And being the good samaritans that we are,
we came up with a plan.

It was a simple plan:
Reak havoc on the drive through,

Basically you pull up to the mic.
and you give your order in a really funny way.
Tonight the plan was to give the order while wiggling
his finger across his mouth.

after about as much as I could take,
with a straight face,
we were asked to pull forward to window
they were "experiencing technical difficulties."
Ü ü Ü Ü ü Ü Ü ü Ü Ü ü Ü

Another friend of ours was working the window,
but oddly enough he was not amused when
Scott (my best friend) pulled up to the window and
repeated the process so that he could see.

It took a minute, but after a while we had done our job.
the good people of Arby's had been served.

So what's that moral?
I have no idea.
but I think it's a pretty funny story,
so there you go.
tune in next time for a swashbuckling good time
as we talk about Pirates
Arrrgh Matey!@

Monday, October 17, 2005


This blog was inspired by blogs from some of my friends,
and because I have a lot of things to say.

I don't really reccommend that anyone read this.
It will likely be boring, and insensitive,
and highly oppinionated, but it might occasionally be good for a laugh,

I probably won't post very often,
but I will probably post a few articles each time that I do.

So first things first
Where did I get my blog name?
There are four parts to my blogs name
(yes I know that math was tough, but I eventually figured it out)

Warnser, Wonderful , Web, and Wonders

I'll start with the easy one: THIS IS THE WEB.

NEXT: Wonderful- well it may cause you to wonder, but mostly I just needed an adjective.

Warnser: This is perhaps the only part of the title that will get a decent explanation. (Oddly enough if you are reading this
blog, you have probably already heard the story,
but I'm including it anyway).

Some years ago I spent some time doing religious service
( a mission (to help bring people closer to Christ))
in a foreign country (Greece). In preperation for that service I
spent time at a Missionary Training Center (MTC). One of the things we learned at the MTC was how to write our names in Greek.
Unfortunately I had to miss class that day
(though technically I already knew how to spell my name). When I got back my name was on the board it looked something like this. GOUARNESR. (That was a lot tougher than I thought it would be (and if you can read it, it's probably still wrong)). When we met with the missionaries that had been in class we had a good laugh and I came to be known as Warnser (incedentally in their greek spelling thats not what it says (the '
S ' is in the wrong place)).

Wonders: yes I wonder about many a thing, but I also just like alliteration.

Here are some of the topics that I hope to address in coming articles.
Pirates, Signs, Admitting we're wrong, Girls, Food, Girls, insight and entertainment.

(or piracy, enter only, Being Right, stupid people, food, nice people,

Thank you for reading and have a great day!

P.S. I have decided to include some of my favourite key commands (mostly for my own benefit).
Alt + 129ü 148ö 153Ö 154 Ü 155¢ 156£ 164ñ 167º 169© 181 µ