Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Two things about girls

Or in other words What the Heck is going on?
Yes it's true this is another blog born of my lovely frustration.
and most likely it's completely unjustified, but I don't care,
this is my blog, and I'm going to write it.
but if you start a petition fast enough, maybe you can get it removed, before anybody sees it. Ü
And so I repeat: What the heck is going on?
I mean really, is that too much to ask?
I just want to know.
I mean this whole dating thing is hard enough,
but that's the thing, I don't even know if I am.
I mean ok there's just two of us, and we have a regular date,
but, I still have no clue.
every week, or maybe not quite, but still I don't know.
It's just one of those times,
you know, you think things are great, but who knows what she thinks.
and sometimes you think "progress"
and then you think "huh?"

I sure that I'm going about this all wrong,
but what if I am.
I know too many gossips to feel comfortable doing it otherwise.
but is that the problem?
Am I just not acting comfortable enough.

I could definately understand if that was the case,
but no one has told me if it is.
And it could easily be something else,
but again I just don't know.

It's sad.
it's true.
I don't konw what to do.

(Sorry, thought it and it just came out)

and sometimes I think "I'm not fond of this situation,
I'm going to fix it, but it doesn't fix.
So step back and think,
and I'm back on my path,
my path is a circle.
and I have no idea what the circle means,
so until she tells me,
or I do something most likely stupid
I'm stuck in my cage.
and there I sit spinning,
spinning running the wheel, but going nowhere.
going nowhere, but getting stronger.
hopefully stronger, hopefully smarter.
running still running.

OK now in other unrelated news.
I think girls should wear sleeves
I think it is appropriate.
I'm not asking for much,
but a good old fashion bona fide sleeve.
you know one of those tubes that comes out
at you shoulder.
not those fake things
here I'll draw you a picture.
This shirt does not have sleeves,yea those sneaky clothing people say it does,but it' doesn't it is a sleaveless shirt with seams.It's true, nothing protrudes.nothing at all

This shirt does not have sleeves,
yea those sneaky clothing people say it does,
but it' doesn't it is a sleaveless shirt with seams.
It's true, nothing protrudes.
nothing at all

Ok my highly technical drawings aren't working,
But here's what I say.
I say that a sleeve should cover your arm.
if you stand with your arms out,
there should be something the whole way around your arm,
in fact if there is a question about how much sleeve you actually have,
I say you need ought to have more.
well I guess I'm out of time,
but have a great day.
and go read something interesting now.


Thursday, November 03, 2005

On loot and looting

"There is more treasure in books
than in all the pirates' loot on Treasure Island
and at the bottom of the Spanish Main...
and best of all, you can enjoy these riches
every day of your life.
--Walt Disney--

For many years pirates have sailed the open seas.

Pirates were the feared of men.

Pirates were the terror.

And yet the lives they led weren't really all that

glamourous. In reality, many pirates ate poorly, did not become fabulously wealthy, and died young. How's that for a life, but think about it. I pirate is no more that a petty theif with a boat. But that's going to far, not all pirates owned boats, they just used them.

Pirates were every tom, dick and harry, that a captain could scrounge up. These were the people who had nothing else to do. no family to come home to, and didn't care for anything 'cept perhaps when their next drink would come.

Fortunately today good people everywhere
have virtually stamped out piracy.

Actually, instead of stamping it out, we have assimilated it.
We are the pirates of the new millenium. We are the ones who rob and plunder. We are the ones who take that which is rightfully ours, and perhaps a little more.

And it's not that we're trying to be bad,
or even sometimes that we realize we are doing something wrong,
It's just that it has become socially acceptable to be a pirate. In fact a recent survey published in some big magazine (business week (this week) I think) said that 52% of the people surveyed didn't think that there was anything wrong with piracy.

So what is the loot of our generation?
Aye the loot.
'tis all around.
For some 'tis music, Aye yes tis the song.
A boatload of lyrics we're takeen' for free.
From the internet, from our friends, from our favourite CD.

Avast ye for others 'tis the warm summer breeze.
huh? that doesn't make any sense!
Man@! talking like a pirate is hard.

Ok but what else is there?
Some of us Pirate movies.
It's really not that hard.
but is the level of difficulty directly correlated
to the whether it is right or wrong?

And when you need a million dollars,
what better way is there to get it than


Ok that was a happy accident,
I didn't mean for it to look like that but when I saw it,
it was love.
I mean shoot everybody's doin' it.
and besides if you've got enough money to hire somebody to embezzle from you than surely you won't miss it.

But is it Piracy if we are taking from those with more money than us? we are after all, very poor, and some of these companies make a lot of money! What on earth are they doing charging us these crazy prices. I mean ok, it's not like we really need most of this stuff, but what if we really want it,

or what if we might think, that perhaps at sometime we could want it. I mean the people who actually create something what right do they have to it or it's distribution. OK, I admit,
I'm a softy (just don't tell my pirate friends or they'll make me walk the plank) I really do believe that if I create something that I should get my share of the bounty from every single person who can benefit from it. If I paint a painting, I want money from everyone who hangs it in their house (or shed, or even if they keep it in a grain silo). And if I wrote software, I would want a little money for every computer that that software gets put on.
and I know I guess you could say I'm greedy, but hey this is a blog about pirates and well pirates are greedy.

Of course there is check fraud kind of amazing how far piracy has come. To think that you don't have to use a sword to be a pirate anymore. (Actually I think that would be the coolest part) but heck, you don't have to board their boat, you don't have to fly your Jolley Roger before you attack anymore. You don't have to meet your enemy, you don't even have to see them. Just get their money straight from the bank. Those bankers are so nice. I mean every day they give out millions of dollars. Most of it goes to the right places, and what thanks do they get? Shoot, they almost never give your money to the wrong person. And their job has got to be tough, what with all those cameras always watching them. Do you think they ever get stage fright? and forget their lines?

Of course with our tithes ... you know the scripture.

And then there are lotteries. This is by far the coolest type of piracy I have found. I mean think about it you get to let millions of defenseless people beat themselves up, and then you take their money. Ok, they don't have a lot of it usually, but there are millions of them. So you make out like the proverbial bandit!
And the best part is, it's lot's of stupid old ladies and lazy poor people (it's like taking candy from a baby)

Not All Treasure is Silver and Gold

--Disney's Pirates of the Carribean--

no. that's stupid. If you took candy from a baby at least they would cry. And maybe the old ladies are stupid, and maybe the others aren't poor, or very lazy, but a lot of them do fit at least one of those things. If you want to be really sneaky call it something like bingo! the name has such zing that they'll gladly open their wallets.

Wow piracy is everywhere, and no we're not quite as bad as china yet. ( they've figured out fascinating ways to rip off, knock off, steal and skim) And we're probably not even as bad as europe, or at least as open about it. But seriously this is epidemic. There's so much piracy, and most of it by people just like us.

Fortunately there are a few things we can do.
yep the first step to fixing piracy is to stop yourself,
don't copy your software,
don't copy your movies,*
don't even copy your music.
And don't ask others to copy theirs for you.

*Now a bit of counsel about movies.
There is one school of thought that says that you are paying for the right to watch the movie. This has never been tried in a court.
But there are some cases where you would lose! This school would say that you are well within your rights to make a back-up copy for yourself. Maybe sometimes you are.
back·up 'Audio ( P ) Pronunciation Key (bkp)

    1. A reserve or substitute.
    2. Computer Science. A copy of a program or file that is stored separately from the original.

The definition is pretty clear. You can only use one copy of a something, at any one time. And Some companies have even found a brilliant way around that (and I don't mean DRM).
Disney has said "yes, believe you should be able to watch our wonderful movies forever" (their thoughts not mine)
And while I don't agree with or wholely support Disney on a lot of things, they have a bulletproof arguement here.

They say, like everyone else, that we as the consumers, have absolutely no right to copy their stuff. However, they also say that they will. Just register your disc, and if anything happens to it they'll replace it for some minimal fee, like the price of shipping.
True Story! did you catch that? anything! say you drop it down a mountain. Or your kid thought realized how tasty those dvd's can be. They replace their disc for life!
(Disney is a Huge Conglomerate including such companies as Pixar ( at least for a little while), Touchstone, Miramax, and others.)

Use Gel Pens, They're safer (for your checks)
and finally don't wear white earbuds.
I know it sounds silly, but they are a big red flag.
We have a new generation of Pick-Podders, and they want your IPod, heck I want your IPod, they are pretty cool.
(way to go Apple)
But seriously the buds are like a beacon calling out,
"here, I have $100 in my pocket." And sometimes ole' long John
will get lucky and find the really nice one.
If you're going to do that, you might as well just give it to me.
I'm sure I could find it a good home.

Check your credit http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/conline/pubs/credit/bbcr.htm


So Pirates we Arrrgh, and Pirates we Be.
but never the pirates life for me.
thanks for reading,
and I hope that the Pirate blog was all that you hoped it would be.

Special Thanks to the Wikipedia (wikimedia.com), My sibs, Disney, Dictionary.com and my faithful blog readers and everyone else.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Five things I ____ about dating

First let me start with an apology.
no this is not about pirates,
though I do think that it would be interesting
to yammer about dating with pirate metaphors and similes
and jargon all relating to dating.
And trust me I think I could do it.
but I'm kinda in a hurry,
so in order to avoid the injustice that either
topic deserves I'm going to skip my discussion on
pirates, and go straight to dating,
I know that's probably not on the list,
but it is on my mind, so following a short commercial
we will resume with the topic of dating.

Are you Bored?
Is your mind wasting away in front of a tv?
Or maybe a computer screen?

Well have no fear!
I have a Solution for you.
Trade in your Boredom for a wonderful
new inovation. BOARD GAMES!

Board games may not be new.
but many of them are.
check out the comments on this blog,
for the newest location of Across the Board Games.
(yes even newer than you think)
A great place for all your gaming needs.
They Can Cure Boredom
(and baldness I think).
shop well.

Well dating.
I think I shall call this blog Five things I love about dating,
but I don't know if there are five things I love about dating,
so I may call it five things I hate about dating,
or maybe five things I don't understand about dating,
or maybe, you can tell me what it should be called,
oh and by the way,
I'm not going to limit myself to 5
but I might run out of time.

#1 Selection.
How on earth is a person to ever even pick someone to date.
I mean, let's face it there are billions of people on earth,
and literally thousands that one could date.
where do you even start.
and once your there,
how do you know if your going the right way.
I mean I guess you just have to find someone that has anything that you like
and if you don't know anything you like you ask them out.
(problematic at best)
I hate the whole choosing process!

#3 I know this is right after one,
but the order is debateable,
though I've heard this is correct.
After you pick a person you have to plan a date.
(is this sounding like work yet? and nobody pays us for it)
ideally you can't just plan a date,
you have to plan it for your date.
(yep, problematic too). of course if we knew the person,
we wouldn't need a date to get to know them,
but, what are the odds of that,
I mean who marries the girl next door anyway.
Ok Jason did, but actually she lived across the street.
and so begins the whirlpool.
date to get to know some'un, get to know some'un so you can date them.

#3 b to group or not to group.
Grouping is good!
Grouping is Bad!
if you have a group you don't have to do all the work,
and by work, I mostly mean talking.
but other work too.
if you group that's that many more people you have to plan for.
and that many more people to coordinate with.
yes we're not there yet but coordinating is tough.
I mean really we date at the time of our lives when our schedules are most busy,

which bring me to number next.

#2 Asking
so let's say you found someone to date.
how do you ask them?
Do you know that there are actually rules about this?
It doesn't matter how free your schedule is,
I hear that the guy is supposed to pick a date.
and ok, I can see this sort of,
but girls don't always make it easy.
some girls are never free.
can you imagine,
a guy doing as much as he possibly can
and still the stupid girls that he asks out, won't
even take a few precious minutes out of their schedule to
let him have a date.
(it's not like they even have to do anything)
(granted there are things that would be nice,
but really just going on a date, it's not that hard)
(except of course all the things mentioned herein).
Actually this happened to me twice this summer.
I asked two different girls out,
and they both said that they "would love to" go out,
(I'm not making that up)
but neither of them was available for the date I picked.
(shame on me for picking a date)
but neither of them was actually ever available.
I asked and asked, and after three weeks I decided
that I must have miss judged them, they were not my type.
They were liars.
Ok maybe they weren't liars,
but still this whole process is hard enough,
and if girls are going to make it harder they should be avoided
(not that I have met a whole lot of girls that don't make it harder, but that's another story).

actaully the last two girls I asked out made it easier,
(in other words not impossible).
one actually gave me alternative options,
(let's not forget that I already had a plan, we were going to a party)
so I knew that she was available-ish,
and then there was my other problem,
what about the party.

do you ask by phone?
cellphone? and how did you get the number?
I mean it's not that hard,
but does that make it kosher?
what about a letter,
maybe a registered letter.
do you mail it,
or put something on their door,
(what if you put something on their door, but you forget to sign it?)
what if you sign it, but forget to say who it's for?
what if you put it in their locker,
or at least you thought it was their locker?
do you ask in person?
what if they're never alone?
good grief how does one isolate from the heard.
what if the heard is other guys?
what if it's not?

I can tell you what not to do.
Don't isolate them by asking them to dance.

I personally like email,
but it too has it's draw backs,
can you believe some people don't
check their email?
asking is problematic.
I don't like asking.

And so I'm out of time,
you're probably out of time too.
but I still have two more items (at least)
#4 talk talk.

#5 do or do not

#4 talk talk.
talk talk talk. (that is one funny looking word)
what do you talk about?
what if they never start a thread of conversation?
what do you talk about?
what if they don't like your jokes?
what if they don't even get them?
what if your jokes really aren't funny?
what if you know them enough that you can't use good small talk.
You know where they're from, you know what they're studying.
you know where they live, and with who, and for why?
what if you already used your small talk, but didn't get enough info
to start your big talk.
and how soon do you talk about really cool, deep, stuff?

#5 do or do not
and then you do it again,
or do you?
I mean do you do it again with the same person,
and how on earth do you know,
or do you start over again,
or do you do it again?

I just don't know,
what I do know is that I have at least five things that I hate about dating.
I just hope that it works out somehow.