I think this would be a good place to add a note about this blog,
this was a rather offensive blog, but it was not intended as such,
In reality this was mostly just quotes form various girls that I heard in the time directly before I wrote this entry. Not all of it is exact quotes, but that was largely my inspiration.
WARNING! This Blog could be read as offensive,
but that is not it's intent. Some (if not all) readers should probably start with my comments, or the Mathemagician's four points. Some amendments are likely forth coming. THIS IS NOT 27 STATEMENTS CRITICIZING THE WHOLE OF WOMANDOM. It's more a satire, or at least historical fiction, if read with a smile, it's a lot better.
Please enjoy. Ü
Why I'm single.As near as I can tell here are some of the reasons that I am still single.I know that this list is not comprehensive,but I think it hits some of the finer points.
First,It's my hands, I have no idea why, but I definitely don't have the right hands.
Second, For many years I have felt that it is more important to be debt-free, than to have a nice car.I still say it's logical, but lot's of girls really do care what you drive.
Third,I'm not Promiscuous, I've never seen myself on TV with my shirt off,I've never seen myself sleeping with lots of women,But listen to girls, when they see one of these guys,They go crazy for 'em.
fourthI'm not rude enough.I know, I'm probably getting better at this one.(worse in my eyes)but for some reason, many girls seem to prefer those who ignore them,or belittle them, It's true girls will say, "why can't we find a nice guy?"But I say, those who say that probably don't even see the nice guys that are often right there.
Fifth it's something about a belt and shoes,
Sixth.I don't have money coming out my ears.Near as I can tell girls like money,And while I'm not opposed to having money,it's not my top priority either.
Seventh. I'm looking for someone who is both open and honest. I know, it's not an easy thing, but deep in my heart I hope she exists. You know, someone who will actually tell you what they are thinking. Someone who will tell you what you've done wrong. Someone who cares enough about me,to help me if my thought process goes astray (i.e.; doesn't match hers). Some one who is willing to talk things out, if there is a problem.
Eighth.Divorce scares me.Probably the scariest movie you could show me would be two hours about a lot of people getting divorced.The numbers are ridiculous. So many people do it these days. I really never want that to happen to me.I hope to find someone that I can really communicate with. Some one that is not so fickle as to leave me when there is trouble,Of course things change, that is inevitable, but what ever happened to commitment.
Ninth.There are few things more annoying than when a girl won't receive your compliment.though right up there is the girl who constantly puts herself down.I have met very few girls that can receive a compliment. Thus very few girls that I could spend eternity with.
Tenth,I don't flirt very well. I suppose it would help if I was better, but I'm not.
Eleventh. I can't stand gossip. Or maybe more appropriately, I can't stand people talking about other people.But you know what they say, "telegraph, telephone, tell a woman." the last one is fastest, because it's exponential.I personally try to never tell a woman anything, because I don't think it is everybody's business.
Twelvth. I'm not gay. Gay seems to work better all around. The Gay guys like ya, and the straight girls like ya. Gay guys understand fashion, and gossip, and everything that girls want. I do not.
Thirteenth.Hormones scare me. Girls seem to have these infamous mood swings. Honestly, that scares me. Menopause and Pregnancy and bad hair days.
Eeeee!
Fourteenth.Girls are manipulative.You've probably said it yourself.It's all about getting what they want. Not telling you what they want,but tricking you into doing it anyway.
Fifteenth.Girls love guilt.I don't.I don't think a guilt trip is very good motivation.It just builds resentment. But the girl does often get what she wants because of it.
Sixteenth.Girls are immodest.I have seen hundreds if not thousands of good girls who wouldn't know modest if it hit them in the face.They talk a good game, but they dress like they shouldn't. I don't want to see their underwear, and when I do, they loose my respect. consequently there are very few dateable girls.
Seventeenth.I'm not sure.I've been in some very good relationships, that somehow just dissolved.I'm not sure what happened.
Eighteenth.I don't have roommates. thus I live in a black hole like environment.I could easily count the number of times that girls have come to visit me.
Nineteenth.I'm awkward around women. they make me nervous. we live forever in stories, but not in their lives.
twenty.I don't like dancing.Well, not most of it anyway.I do see that under certain circumstances it could be fun, but mostly it's not.I don't like the music. I don't like the suggestive moves. I don't like having someone in my space.I don't even like the atmosphere.
Twenty one.I'm not going to kiss you on the first date.I'm not going to do it on the second either.I don't know when I'll do it, but undoubtedly it's after the girl wants it to be.
Twenty two.If your dating me, but spend more time with your other friends I would say that doesn't bode well.(true story, six years ago).
Twenty three, Communication. I can't say that enough.
Twenty four.I'm not much of a fighter.sure, I'll state my opinion, but if the line I have to wait in to get a date with you is too long, I usually just find another line.
Twenty five,I want to be attracted to the person.Not that I'm saying this is hard, but I'm sure it's still a factor.
Twenty six.I want to have similar interests.If interests, or ideas are different, then chances are it just won't work.Or at least it hasn't yet. I don't see why it would change.
Twenty seven, I can't marry a two year old.Nor would I. though I have to admit, two year old girls really like me.it's unlike anything that I have ever seen before.it's just too bad that they grow out of it.At least I assume they do. I guess the ones that flirt with me aren't old enough to tell yet.
there you have it,one for every year,though certainly not one for every mistake that I have made.By the way I know that grammatically this post has errors,I don't care.
I'm sure there are more reasons, If I knew them all, I would probably be married.but I don't, and I have to admit, some of the ones I do know, I just don't understand. But hey, that's not really my job now is it. If I said something offensive, please let me know,
maybe we can talk about it, and come to some sort of pleasant resolution.
11 comments:
*Sigh*
You are so not going to be understood with this one.
I can bet right now you'll have women who aren't going to like this post, but I'd guess it will be because of one of the following reasons:
1) It's tough to understand humor in a text message.
2) Some of these are things we are all guilty of in some fashion, and no one likes to view their own faults
3) Some of these I'll bet most guys have experienced, but they aren't representative of all women.
4) You really could have worded some of this better. You're going to deserve the reactions you'll get.
So here are MY thoughts (as if I ever really know what I'm talking about... but you have apparently already read an entire page, which qualifies you as a captive audience to my opinion)
FIRST of all, I highly doubt these are the main reasons you haven't gotten married, but for the life of me I don't have a clue why some people do and others take longer. I think I'm ten times dorkier, but I've been married for five years. (My favorite quote from my elders quorum advisor - "You've been off your mission for six months, haven't you? Why aren't you married?" Good grief...)
1) Hands? I was told it was shoulders a girl looked for. Girls - what DO you look for? Either way I'm sure I haven't got it. It's a wonder I got married. This was just supposed to be funny, but I'd be interested if any women had comments on what they do want.
2) Of course girls care what car you have. Guys care what car THEY have. A car can be a great conversation starter, even if good financial planning means more to a woman. The question is - how can you get a girls attention without a flashy car? (I told my wife math jokes. Turns out that's not the answer)
3) Women - you know this is a valid point. You've GOT to stop thinking that these actors with great bodies are "just to die for". And the volleyball scene in Top Gun is NOT cool. Men - exactly the same problem you've got to deal with (except for the Tom Cruise thing).
4) This is probably true of certain women. I think there are guys who are rude, and women who like those kinds of chauvanistic types. Yes, they tend to get married and it's not fair. I doubt they get along happily, though.
5) I don't know either. Turns out my wife says, "The way you look is a reflection of who you are" and I think "The way I look is a reflection of which clothes were the closest to the edge of the closet". If that were the reason you're not married then half the guys who are married would still be single.
6) A woman is preparing to care for a family, and finding a man that can take care of a family financially is a valid concern. Unfortunately I've seen women that were looking for a man who had money, not one who WOULD make money. I'd say owning a business has a bright financial future, and they'll see that.
7) Good luck. I think the entire human race has problems here. No one wants to speak their mind because too many people will send them hate email if they do. It's a maturity thing - wait until 500 years (for people to learn to be 100% honest - not to get married)
8) I would say a valid fear in today's world. That scares me too, and I would hazard a guess it scares everyone. Keep in mind, "What Christ hath made shall no man divide asunder" (I think I misquoted that. You know what I meant).
9) There's always some pet peeve that everyone has. I can't stand it when my wife doesn't hang up her towel. You just wait, your future bride will be the "Oh, you're just saying that, I am not cute" type. Often this whole not taking compliments thing is more of the girl's not knowing what you think of her, and being shy or unsure of herself... At least in my wife I have seen her improve as I keep complimenting her, she didn't realize that she was shrugging off nice remarks until I pointed it out to her, then she worked hard to accept them as she received them...but this took time (both for her to find out who she really was, and for me to tell her that she should take my compliments with a smile)
10) Neither do I. And my wife says I should take dancing lessons from Napolean Dynamite
11) Ah - the women talking thing. I've been married for five years, and all I've learned is that women communicate different than men. However, I happen to know, Warnser, that you are good at talking, and your wife will find you a great conversationalist. Now, women (and men) if your talking becomes talking about others, then you do need to change.
12) It does seem that women like gay men. So women - is that because you feel safer, because they relate to you better, or is that our own insecurity?
13) You haven't seen mood swings until you've seen pregnancy. But that shouldn't stop you from marriage - it makes life fun! I think (and women you can correct me if I'm wrong) that women don't understand all of it either, but they learn to be happy with life as it comes.
14) Yes, women are manipulative. I might add that this is because men are so powerless to resist women. I might add this is because men often enjoy being manipulated by the women.
15) Finally I have something constructive to add - women do play the guilt card, but they take it just as often as they play it. Using guilt isn't a purposeful attempt to hurt you, it's just part of learning to interact with others. I believe that women who use guilt (and I know it's only certain types of women - or men - who use guilt, I'm just generalizing to save space) are also the ones to tend to feel the most guilty about everything.
16) I agree! There is a definite modesty problem with today's world! If any women reading this have immodest clothing please know that many of us guys are more attracted to the modest girls. If any women reading this are modest, please know we appreciate you and want you to continue to be modest.
17) TA-DA! You had to read through 17 of these to get to the best one! No one knows! It just happens. It doesn't mean you're bad or somethings wrong with you. There's a girl for you there somewhere, and you will thank the Lord when it happens (although I think all of us can appreciate the little venting going on here. Anyone not felt frustrated by the whole dating game before? I sure as stars never plan on going back...)
18) Hmmm.... Help me out girls... where can Warnser go to meet more people - Firesides and church... seminary...clubs, neighborhood things... I don't know, but I do know it's tough to meet women when you're out of the circuit. This is very possibly a valid point.
19) Gee. After about 17 these have all been good. Maybe the first 16 points were just brainstorming to get to the good stuff. Yes, being awkward around girls is a problem for a lot of us. Obviously it's not a terminal problem or I would be writing the top 25 reasons I wasn't married.
20) My wife loves dancing, and to me it's just not so easy. You may find there are things you love that your wife will do with you just because she knows you enjoy them. Dancing will probably be like that, where you take the girl to dance class, and the funnest part was just being with her (any girls willing to take a dance class with Warnser? You'd have to agree to post a blog in exchange...)
21) Good for you. I agree, but it does seem that many women are interested in speeding that part up. Women - are we wrong? (My wife says "We like kissing, but it is a rather general statement to say we all like to kiss early on in the game... You have to kiss a lot of frogs, before you find your prince..." )(then she kissed me. What does that mean?)
22) Ouch - that would annoy me too. One reason for dating is to find the right person. If you didn't feel like you were important to her, then it's good it didn't work out. Someday it'll be different
23) Communication, my friend, is something women often excell at, but men struggle with. Women, be patient with us. It's not that we're too stupid to communicate... it's just that we sometimes don't get it.
24) You can tell if a woman wants to be caught by how fast she runs. I'd say if a girl doesn't seem eager for a date there's no reason to waste your time.
25) Since you've brought it up - looks are important to a guy. But here's a secret I'll bet most women don't understand... ANY girl can be attractive! Things like taking care of yourself, being modest, and smiling, mean so much more than body dimensions or makeup. If a girl isn't doing those kinds of things I can see why it's a turn-off.
26) Sure - that's why you date a lot of people before getting married. Just keep an open mind, since you'll never find the perfect match. I have a friend who said that when he got older (and was still single) he found himself becoming more picky about what type of wife he was looking for. As long as you avoid that I think you'll find someone.
27) There is a difference in maturity when you're 10 years older than the women you're dating. Keep in mind that in 20 years it won't make any difference. (notice girls, that he says he does well with children. That's a good sign, isn't it?)
So reasons you're not married? Most of these are either bad experiences (which everyone has, but they aren't true of all women) or they're reasons why everyone thinks they'll never get married. Just wait, in time you'll realize the Lord had it all planned, and these fears and concerns weren't problems in the long run.
Mathemagician
Wow, I was warned about this blog but I had no idea what I was getting into. I won't go into as much detail as mathemagician did about each thing but I'll pick and choose. As he said these are so not representative of all women. I'll admit that there are women who act the way you describe. I'm sorry but we are not perfect nor are we meant to be. How boring would life be if we were. About the guilt trip one. Isn't your blog in and of itself somewhat of a guilt trip for you not being married? Are the women of the world now supposed to feel guilty because you haven't managed to find or attract your soulmate? Guilt trips are also used as tools for manipulations so I think you're guilty of that one too.
As for the bad boy mentality that you think women have. Women don't want men who are mean to them. Having had crushes on guys who were mean to me let me clue you in on my thought processes during that time. If a guy has been rude to me time and time again I don't like him but if his behavior suddenly changes to him being nice to me than it is so refreshing that it creates this crush. Its almost like a drug. You're willing to go through the pain in order to enjoy the occasional high. I'm not saying this is a good thing. It's not. Like I said we're not perfect. You think you guys have problems being compared to the "hotties" on movies. I think women have a lot more problems in that area. Sometimes in movies even the not so cute guy gets the hot girl because she sees his personality and grows to love him. Rarely is there a movie where the not so cute girl get the guy. If she does its because she has gotten a major makeover to make her look more attractive. So this causes self-esteem issues in most women who then become junkies like the one I described above. Also, the bad boy mentality give a hint of adventure. I would love a guy who is nice but also has a sense of adventure. Break the minor rules from time to time. One of my favorite quotes is "I would like a man who could be wicked, but wouldn't"
I could talk about each of these individually but I don't want to put any more effort into this. Basically, the dating world is hard and being bitter about it isn't going to make you anymore attractive to the opposite sex. You just gotta pick yourself up and get back in there. And you have to put in some effort. You can expect to have the woman make all the changes. I'm sure you have quite a few flaws that many women wouldn't like. I can see a few just from this blog. But you have to be willing to love whoever it is inspite of their flaws.
Sometime it just takes longer for others. I don't know why. My cousin just got married at the age of 33 and he went through many dating disasters. So don't give up hope. And don't be so critical of us women. We're all trying to find that someone that best fits us and we all do it in our own way.
Warnser, warnser, warnser. If anyone who reads this blog was interested in you, you may want your next post to be an apology for any offense given with your blatant generalizations, just in case.
I happen to have known a number of people who wouldn't have minded dating you, but you weren't interested or didn't notice, apparently. But thats how it goes, isn't it? I rarely had crushes on guys, but happen to have liked about five at the same time when my husband suddenly noticed me. Lucky for me, I recognised our compatability and immediatly forgot about the others. (who probably didn't know I liked them anyway.)
The sad thing is, at the same time a guy in my ward wrote me this big note with cool drawings and everything, telling me that he liked me, but I had no idea, and now it was too late!! (okay, I probably wouldn't have dated him anyway because he was a little strange, but anyway)
When the time is right, things will work out. Keep in mind that you or your future wife may not be right for each other right now. When my spouse was twenty-one, he was not an active member of the church and led a very different life. I would not have liked him at all because of the way he lived then. When he was twenty-three and I was wondering why I wasn't married, he had just left on his mission. When we finally met, I lived across a large body of water from him and he assumed I wouldn't be interested.
And a year later when we had our first date, he did not expect me to say yes.
You never know when things will happen!
PS
not all girls care about cars. If the girls you're dating do, they may not be the right girls for you. We had no car when we got married...but we lived in a place where it wasn't too hard to go without one.
pps
Girls talk about different things than boys. Maybe they don't realize that you think they're gossiping. If it really bothers you, maybe you should mention it but give them a chance to explain their point of view too.
ppps
what are your compliments like? Maybe the girls think they're being demure or coy to not take the compliment. Again, let them know how you feel if they do it often...they might not realize its a problem unless you say something.
pppps
you're going to have to deal with the hormones. Especially with pregnancy or birth control. Even without hormones, your wife is allowed to express her frustrations or anger and not be afraid that YOU will leave her for expressing her feelings. You can teach each other to be gentle about it, but still.
ppppps
I dont think all girls try to be manipulative. THey just think differently than guys. A guy doing something for you just doesn't mean as much if you have to TELL him to do it...but if you get him to do something without you saying it, its like he thought of it himself. See? No, probably not.
additional:
the roomate thing is definitely true. It was only with roomates that I actually was meeting people and being involved.
My husband likes dancing and I hate it.
I'm betting the girls you think are immodest have no idea what you consider modest. you might want to hve a conversation about it (but only when they're not actually dressed that way, so they won't feel angry and embarassed. If they like you, chances are they'll try not to dress that way anymore.
Okay, thats all fornow.
Ok time for the first amendment.
(to the blog).
I unequivocally apologize for the three in a row that start 'Girls'
These are overly general.
Some of the others may need a little adjustment too.
I think the Mathmagician adds a nice dimension to this blog. Sometimes a second perspective is clearer than the first.
Third, these are not all the reasons that I am single.
And finally most of these are not broad statements about women, but rather are anectdotal.
In others they may or may not apply to a specific girl, but to one degree or another, I have reason to believe they add some impediment.
Of course I am still in the process of updating this blog.
(Oh, and the purpose was not to make anyone feel guilty, but if a person was guilty of all 27 points, I would hope they would seriously consider some changes)
once again, I will try to add a fuller understanding later today.
I've already called you to repentance via e-mail, so don't worry, this will be nothing of that sort.
When I read mathemagician's response last weekend, I felt like it was a great response, especially from a male's point of view (I was hoping there would be one). I also enjoyed what Cassie and Tearese had to say. Now, what I have to say is that you'll notice that they didn't all say the same things. It's not necessarily because it had already been said, but maybe it's because they have different perspectives, being different people.
To sum up, we're all different, and your frustrations sound like they're coming from experiences that you've had with some people. Not everyone is like that. I'm sorry that you're frustrated by your singlehood/women in general. I get frustrated by males sometimes, too. There are a lot of people who are frustrated by their singlehood. You're not the only one! And, I hate to tell you, but it could last a bit longer, too. So, I hope that you can find peace in being single. I have. And, I have moments of extreme frustration, but those typically only come (interestingly enough) when I've actually started to become interested in someone.
Anyway, don't feel like you have to change (for example, don't think that you need to start liking to dance or driving a different car) to date someone. It's better that a person likes you for who you are than for who you're faking you are. There will be one. The only changes that you should make would be changes in your life towards righteousness, which we are all trying to do, anyway, so keep it up!
I am interested to read your next entry, especially if you follow Tearese's advice.
So many comments,
so little time.
I wish I had time to say everything I'm thinking, but I don't.
"I happen to have known a number of people who wouldn't have minded dating you, but you weren't interested or didn't notice, apparently"
Definately didn't notice,
I have no clue what women want.
And they almost never tell me.
So I'm stuck to figure it out alone.
Actually I would still like to hear the answers to the mathemagicians questions.
well ttfn
Yes it's true,
I finally have time to overhaul this
(by way of comment, that is if I can do it in twenty minutes)
so here I go.
{Mathemagician wil be referred to as MM}
First there were six times were my langauge seems overly generalized, I realize this, and apologize, for them.
Second, it seems that most of my readers have assumed that everything else falls into this category,
it does not.
Is the Glass half empty, or half full.
1)This is what two guys have heard.
we welcome further comment.
2)
3)see MM (read it until it sounds good)
4)I appreciate Cassie's comment here, Though it would be nice to produce that rush, without, having to create a void.
5)still don't know, (Still think this is funny)
6)perhaps overly general
7)I still 'hope she exists.' Still like good communication.
8)I am fully commited to marriage,
assuming it happens, still scares me, MM agrees.
9)I do like that people can improve here, but it's till hard for me to get past.
10)
11)I still don't like it when people talk about other people, (yes men do this to, but I'm not looking for a man, I looking for a woman Ü)
12)I apologize to any gay man who reads this whose shoes don't match, etc. see MM
appearently I have more than 20 minutes.
13)See MM,
The second sentance, could be removed, if that makes it better.
But hormones don't make things easier for me.
14)I think this can be amended to say that I am not looking for a partner, that I feel is manipulating me constantly. (of course if they are good at it, I might not notice. Ü)
15)I suppose I like MM comments better than mine here. (see previous notes)
16)SEE MM! it would be too awkward to tell the hundreds of girls who are immodest that it is them, I think this month's ENSIGN covers this well, (better than their clothes) No this is not all women, but it is clearly far TOO MANY!
I also reccomend the pamphlet,
"For the strength of the Youth"
And the book
True to the faith
17)no change
18)I think there have been plenty of witnesses for this.
19)appearantly not terminal.
this is good.
20)MM who asked you?
Just kidding... sort of. Maybe not the best solution, I have been to some dance lessons, that were nearly the worst experience of my life... there is nothing worse than feeling really stupid, and awkward around someone that you actually like.
Anyway thanks for your, willingness to help, you really are a good friend, but I'm still not sure about your suggestion.
21) again we welcome your comments,
22)no change
23)Communication, still very very good, see 21, 19, 17, 15, 14, MM12,11, 9, 8, 7, 3, etc.
24)I like MM comment, sadly, I'm not sure it's true, but if it is, then perhaps, I am just slower than they are. Tearese didn't you say something about this?
25)MM and I have covered this quite well, if your still offended, I am not taking responsibility for it.
26)true doctrine.
27) this was supposed to be funny,
but yes, maturity is an important element.
so ,i reread your blog, and it wasn't as offensive the second time.
I thought the one about you being on tv with your shirt off was really funny.
Its true that its easier for other girls to see if a girl is interested in someone than it is for a guy. ITs also easier to tell when someone is NOT interested.
(Once I was nice to a guy when he asked me out, and suddenly he thought I was his girlfriend, even though we had nothing in common. (his coming on too strong was part of what made me uncomfortable around him.) I didn't want to be mean to him, but I tried really hard to act not-interested for the next week or so without actually saying it. I guess he got the hint, but I'm still not sure. I'm sure this is one of those things you were refering to when you wanted girls to be more open. They're just trying to be nice!)
And sometimes if you've been friends with someone of the opposite sex for a long time, a change in that relationship might not be comfortable or welcome to one or the other. So thats something to watch out for.
Hmmm. But say you're friends with a girl, and they consistently invite YOU specifically to do things with them...often. That might be a clue. Or say, they smile at you more than their other friends. Or maybe they touch you a lot when they talk to you, like putting their hand on your arm. Thats a really good clue.
But again, everybody's different so I could be completely missing the signs of some girl that likes you right now. Or doesn't. So nevermind.
WOW Tearese, that is two good posts in a row,
These were truly amazing,
I'm am definately glad you are part of my blog.
as for the part about
"But say you're friends with a girl, and they consistently invite YOU specifically to do things with them...often"
This really doesn't happen,
I think I might get the hint,
(of course, I might not,
but you never know)
the other stuff, definately does not happen,
but that would probably clue me in too.
or perhaps is it that the girls who do those things aren't the ones you WANT to notice you, so you subconsciously ignore the signs?
Well, I have to admit,
and I've said it before,
I'm really good at being blind.
Seeing 'signs' is one of my strong weaknesses.
But then again
I could easily check my emails.
One person invites me there.
Are they specific?
no everyone is invited,
are they often?
well more often than anything else.
Have there been other consistent activities?
Yes, but they weren't the kind of thing that people sought me out for,
If I found them, then they happened.
And agian, on a much smaller scale, I have seen other such activities,
but I think I am safe in my statements, that consistent, Me-specific, and often pretty much is rare at best.
(Is that offensive? I'd be happy to discuss it)
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