I'm a little bored, and a little distracted,
let's face it, it's a Monday.
And since I haven't written much lately I thought I might put something here,
just throwing it out.
As many of you know I'm not a big fan of dating,
it's kinda hard.
But unfortunately, it is something I should do.
so I had this idea, and I want to know,
Good idea,
bad idea,
or great idea?
I could see how it could be all of the above,
but I'm curious to hear some extra perspectives.
So here's the idea, followed by some of my thoughts.
I've noticed that girls can be um difficult to ask out.
Sure there are options but each one has limitations.
You can call them, but then you have to explain who you are (assuming you're not pretty good friends (and sometimes if you are), but if dating is to get to know people... this should be a fair assumption, sometimes).
You can find a girl in a social setting,
but they probably won't be alone, and this can make things even more awkward.
(don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that they should be alone, I'm just giving my perspective, perhaps I'll add examples).
Or you can track down, a girl at home, or perhaps other places that one might logically be.
Of course the downside here, is the whole stalker thing, This one seems like a generally bad idea, especially since I have no reason to be where anyone else would be.
Of course there is TEXT and email. But again, kinda problematic,
some people like it, some people hate it. And if you hit the wrong number, you're in for a big surprise.
But then I had a new idea.
By now I doubt I would do it,
but perhaps...
So I was wondering,
What if a person sent you a video?
you know something simple.
Maybe ten seconds, maybe a minute.
Kinda an introduction,
and a simple invitation.
"Would you like to ... with me... insert date... insert time."
Nothin fancy, just asking a girl out, without so much of that dang awkwardness.
Ü
Of course there are some downsides.
For instance, I might not have total control over how things happen,
but I've taken that into account, and I've already been there, so that's not the issue,
(besides, I think that I could work around that, at least to a degree)
So here's the question, if it happened to you, you would...?
Comments, may include some 'funny' stories
16 comments:
I could see how this could go bad.
After all, I did once ask a girl out while her answering machine was running (she picked up the phone, but the machine didn't stop). And it was awkward, I was awkward. And my awkwardness was immortalized, and shared I might add.
And then there was the time that I asked a girl out, she was busy so we said we'd reschedule next time we were together, of course the next time we were together I brought it up, and I swear she gave me a look like I was talking Klingon.
yeah, I'm not too excited to be dating again.
and the more I think about...
anyway.
ttfn
Hmm, yeah. I can see how it can all be awkward, but I can see how sometimes it's not awkward. I've decided that awkwardness depends on 1) If you feel awkward about it, and 2) If she feels awkward about it. You could have the exact same situation that isn't awkward, just depending on how you feel and how she feels.
So basically I'm saying that the video may be or may not be awkward, depending on how it's received.
And you can't help it if she's awkward. That's really up to her.
Good luck dating again!
PS I am in the camp of thinking that the telephone is the best way if you can't ask her in person.
For me making a video isn't awkward,
but unfortunately anything else usually is, at least somewhat.
I could see text msg or email being less awkward, but anytime you're 'live' it really opens the door to error/ infamy. and well sometimes girls are forgiving, and sometimes they're mean. Sometimes unintentionally so, but it can still hurt.
Anyway,
Thanks for the opinion; one vote for the telephone
Honestly, I'm not sure how I'd feel about the video. It depends on who and how. It could show me that he's creative and original, or it could be weird. Does that make sense?
I agree with Cardine, telephone or in person is a great way to ask out someone. Simple yet effective.
I feel for you about the dating thing. I share your sentiments. Good luck!
It's true that being "live" increases the possibility of error, but if the girl doesn't give you credit for bravery and cut you some slack, then maybe she isn't someone you'd want to date.
I think asking out through texting/email is only acceptable if 1)you're deaf or she is or 2)it's not the first date.
That's just my opinion though.
I agree any girl who doesn't give you credit, is probably not worth it.
But it still makes it harder.
Because every bad experience is still a bad experience.
And point number two, a person
(a girl) is usually not just a single entity.
I would guess most people tell someone, when they are asked on a date, maybe even a lot of someones,
and the more people to whom they say, 'oh he was so awkward on the phone,' or 'did you see what he was wearing' or what not, the harder it could become for a guy to find someone who might work for them.
And the more likely he will still be awkward the next time.
Girls seem to travel in packs,
and while we have to use our best judgment on which person we think we might like to date, sometimes our first impression is wrong.
That is the advantage, and the disadvantage of living here.
It's really not hard to find a girl, but when you do, whe's probably already quite connected to people you know or might like to know.
Was that confusing enough?
I can try again.
If I have to.
I think I understand what you're saying.
However, I guess I don't understand why a girl would say something like "Oh he was so awkward on the phone". I'd be saying "Guess what??? Someone asked me out!!" but maybe that's because I haven't always been asked out a lot so it's nice no matter what.
And honestly, I think most girls will react like me. Most girls don't get asked out enough so they are simply thrilled to have a good guy ask them out.
And you are a good guy. A good catch. So remember that and hopefully it'll make you less uncomfortable about asking a girl out. Cuz really, she'll be a lucky girl.
Julie, you're the coolest.
I wonder how many girls would react that way.
I've had it both ways.
Some people were happy to have a date, and some girls (looking back in retrospect of course) avoided me like the plague.
And you never know why...
it's so hard to tell if the difference is you or if it is them.
you guys are awesome.
Thanks!!
It's them.
I agree about the video being either way. I had a guy in my singles ward in Seattle ask me out (sort of?) by drawing me a really cool anime type cartoon of him and me.
If it was someone I really liked, that would have been the coolest thing ever, but as it was he was a very strange fellow that I wasn't interested in at all, it was kind of strange and awkward.
I tried to be nice and drew a picture back, since he went to all the effort, but I basically told him no.
So if you're pretty sure the girl already likes you, yeah, go for it. But otherwise you might freak her out because you're trying too hard.
And I agree with Julie about the texting...unless they're like 20 years old and no longer part of the x generation, its not acceptable to ask someone out in such an impersonal way.
Did you read Julie's blog about the army guys in Colorado? If a guy comes off as confident, he'll seem more attractive. If you're obviously awkward, she'll be uncomfortable too.
Thats all.
This is sort of an afterthought, and I don't want to seem inconsiderate of my gender, but some of the experiences that you are concerned about seem sort of ... petty for girls to be thinking. If they are rude and gossipy when you ask them out, yes, it stinks, but that's really not your fault. The only advice that I could give you would be to ask someone out who is more adult than that. (And I realize that I sometimes need work in this area, too, so sure, it could be hard.) But, anyway, go for it. That's one thing that we, your friends, like about you: you do date. You do ask girls out. Even if it's awkward, we don't care. We are happy to know a good guy who asks girls out.
I don't know if you'll read this as this post is old, but here's my two cents: I wouldn't do the video. If a guy asked me out that way I would feel really uncomfortable...if it was a first date asking. The reason is because the guy had obviously been thinking about me enough that he went to all the trouble of making a video and such before even talking to me and asking if I'd even be interested in hooking up in a more than friends fashion. That would make me feel a little pressured since he'd gone to so much work, but uncomfortable because he hadn't talked to me about dating first, making it seem more stalker-esque then flattering. But maybe I'm wierd. Also, I don't know of any girls outside of stereotypical teenagers in tv dramas that would talk that way about a guy asking them out. Most girls in the LDS community I've found are flattered to be asked out at all and wouldn't mock you for doing so. I'd prefer asking out over the phone because it gives the girl an easy out since you can't see her reaction to you asking and she can say no if she feels like it. In person I would again feel more pressured to say yes whether I actually wanted to go out or not. However, if you're hoping for a yes, then maybe that would be better for you on your end. *shrug* But aside from my husband, I have only been asked out five times by three different guys, so maybe I'm not the best expert. I could ask my sisters-in-law if you want as they've all been out with seemingly hundreds of guys and engaged multiple times before settling down with their current spouses, so maybe they have a different opinion. :)
The more I learn in this world, the more I realize that no matter what, it is important to be YOU from the beginning of a relationship.
If making a video is YOU, then do it.
If calling, texting, asking, signing, miming, winking or drawing is YOU, then do it.
I agree with Cardine. Thanks for ASKING.
This has been a well commented blog.
And that is good.
I agree confidence makes everyone a bit more attractive,
(it's probably the biggest thing some guys/ girls need)
(unless a person takes it too far Ü).
Kieraanne, wow that was a lot of good info. I have a lot I want to say. A lot I am thinking, but I will leave it at this, in the greater scheme of things, it is definitely better when both are willing participants. I think our first impressions can be wrong, but but ultimately it's a decision that both people have to make.
Sarah thanks for your comments too.
you make a good point too.
thanks
Sending a video is a great idea; it's so creative and fun! You'd do the girl a kindness by showing who you are, plus giving her a chance to look at her calendar without having you on the other end of the line waiting for an answer. That way, she'd even have time to rearrange her schedule in favor your date (which would be harder if she were "on the spot" with a phone call) before she had to respond.
Julie is right; most girls are so thrilled to be asked on a date by a good guy who is creative and fun (as evidenced by the video invitation) that she doesn't notice or care about awkwardness.
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