My My My (I mean my answers)

For those of you who might be new
I'm answering a post.
The Answers came from near and far,
but I, the Answer Host.
So here they are, if your confused
then read my former Blog

I posted this in the comments section,
but then I realized it was a mile long,
so I'm redoing it here.

(good ole cut and paste)

Ok brace yourselves.
Here it comes,
but remember, these are just my opinions.

Also I would like to add some comments that I have heard in various places.
To um round things out a bit.

1. Earrings
I think that the more an earring draws attention, The less it can be modest. As a follow up to that I think that an earring that might be appropriate for some shmancy formal function would lose some of it's modesty with a sweatshirt and Jeans.

Generally I'm not a huge fan of hoops. but I have seen varying degrees of modest in hoops.

One of my friends said she thought a girl ought to be able to wear hoops at least 1 1/2 - 2 inches around.

I think I would usually have my upper cap in that area.

I think the Thickness of the metal can make a big difference here.

Or the earrings' visual weight.

I saw some earrings that were much larger than this, but they were very thin. In fact I barely noticed them.

In this particular instance They did not strike me as immodest earrings.

2.
What is Tight
I like what has been said about tight Jeans. I guess I had forgotten about that part of the question.

I think if a person can tell where another person's belly button is,
then their shirt is too tight.
(Or in some other way not quite right... but that's another topic)
And of course anything that was good that was said by anyone else.
Ü

3. Sports
I guess I do see some room for varience in sports, but for me, I would try to be as consistent as possible.
I don't nessicarily believe that having an audience should give you license to play by less strict rules.
Actually I think in a way it should help you to enforce the higher ones.

I think it is possible to have "more modest" outfits, without significantly affecting ones' ability to perform or play.

And certainly if you are not in a uniform requisite situation, normal modesty rules should apply.

I guess this is sort of like my earrings answer. (you may see that a lot) Keep it on the court, that' what I say.

4. Swim away
For some reason society has allowed us to completely change the rules when it comes to swimming.
Because this is so so common, I suppose I basically accept it too.
But I basically agree with the things that have been said already.

Basically my thoughts are cover as much as you can.
and cover that too if you can.
I don't think everyone should have to wear shirts to swim in, but I not opposed to it either.

And as has been said, if your not swimming cover up. I think that's fair.

No speedos for guys.
I think a suit (for girls)
should cover more of the back,
And definately the belly.

But I don't really care about the number of pieces.

5. The Tan
Personally I don't really understand tanning. I don't always think it looks better, And I know people with serious amounts of skin cancer.
It scares me.
To me I think it's about health.
I know that there are people who really like tans. But I guess I don't get it. Yes I know there are medical reasons for these things.
Some people have skin conditions when a doctor would prescribe it. And sure the sun helps provide us with vitamin D, but for me the long term effects are more important than the short term ones.

Yes a little natural sun can make some people look better.

But I don't think it takes much,
and I wouldn't likely ever go tanning, or purposely try to get a tan. If I needed more sun, I would probably find something that I could do outside, Like soccer or something. I would want to use sunblock, and let the sun help my skin color if it could.

I have to admit though,
I like fair skin.

I like naturally "exotic" skins too.
But I like fair.

6. 7. & 8. Blanket statements.
I think there are a couple of principles that help clarify my thoughts here. (and maybe in other places in this blog too.

I know that some of this has been said, but I will say what ever comes to me.

P#1.
I think it is very important for people to be true to theirselves.

P#2
It is far better (more useful) for a person to talk to a person, then it is to talk about them.

P#3
We do not have lives that are designed to allow us to blame others for where we are. All people have agency, and all are expected to be accountable to themself.

P#4
people should agree to the activities that they participate in (such as kissing) see #1

6. Girls and dating.
See above.
I don't believe anyone should be passive in matters that are so important.
Aloof: Same answer here.

Flirtacious.
Well I guess I see it both ways here. I think a little flirting is usually a good thing. Too much can be well, too much. And if it's not happening then it's just that much harder for those of us that "Have to Act." or perhaps a better word is ask.

Active: see passive modify accordingly. ( I think these to are near opposites)

Assertive: She should be if she is.

Aggressive: I'm thinking not so much. I think there are plenty of ways to be involved, and even perhaps assertive, without being to aggressive.

Part two.
I will expound upon my general thoughts. I think people should be true to theirselves. I think it would be somewhat dishonest to act in a different manner while dating then you would plan to act while married.

I think it is very decietful to do things "just until you get married."
"Just until you have sealed the deal." and then to change your behavior. Yes it's true I think that the person you married should be more important, than the ones you date, or could marry.

I think this applies to how one looks, how one makes decisions.
and what things a person will and won't do.

I know this is not always the case.
And I can except it if my wife doesn't look perfect as she gets out of bed. Or even goes through a rough spell. but on the whole I still believe that we should treat our spouses at the same level, or a better one, than we gave them while we dated.

And the follow up to that is
That I think we as people have different levels on which we act.
I think in dating people (all people) should bring their A-game.
Give it a good effort, yes this includes me too.
I should shave more often,
I should get enough sleep.
I should try to not only be myself
but to be my best self
(yep I stole that)
( I should probably repent)

7. Holding hands.

I have heard probably the widest variety of answers here.

One apartment of girls I was visiting said that one of them was dating someone who obviously didn't like her much, because he wouldn't hold her hand. After all it had been four dates.

I see two things here.
First I thought he probably did like her, after all, she got four dates.

Second no matter how much they talked about him and his hands it wasn't going to affect his actions.
Talking about him was less effective than talking to him.

They said they were "sending all the signs"

I said, "well take his hand or talk to him about it."

I think communication is nice.
I really do.
If someone tried to hold my hand and I wasn't ready, I would want to tell them why.
I think that is only fair.
I think it is very important for people to understand that each person moves through a relationship a different pace. and different symbols (like holding hands) have different meanings to people.

People fall in love at different paces, and people have different expectations. But it seems to me that if you really care about someone then their timing becomes more important to you too. (especially if yours is quicker than theirs)
And of course communication. I think this blog shows quite clearly that everyone is different.
But if you don't talk about it,
and I mean with the person invovled, you really have no right to hold them accountable.

Yes you may be sending signs,
but maybe they don't know that one.
Ü
And yes all of your other friends might totally see it, but sometimes even if they are totally "into you" they might miss it.

Maybe they miss is because they like you. Maybe they are nervous.

I don't know why I miss signs.
(or as one of my friends corrected me today- body language) but I really don't have much talent here.
That's ok I guess,
but it doesn't make things any easier, for me.

I think that holding hands definately shows some kind of interest (you know, holding hands for the sake of holding hands).

The other side of the story is that I know of people would end a relationship if you tried to hold their hand on the fourth date.
I think again talking about things like this could be useful.

8. The Kiss.
I leader of mine said something like this "Kissing is not bad."
I agree, however I would add,
Kissing can be addictive.

I would say be in control.
and have boundaries.

To me a kiss is a symbol of serious commitment.
I don't give them freely,
I think they should be earned.

and of course see above answers.