My Best Date (by Cardine)
Hi. I'm going to address this topic politician-style and not really address the issue that's being presented or the question that's being asked. In other words, this isn't about my best date. But, I am going to talk about some good experiences I've had and say why I liked them.
1. Once upon a time, there was a young man wearing a strange and unique hat. I complimented this fellow on the hat, and he promptly asked me out the next time we saw each other. I said yes. He arrived for our date almost a half an hour early. I wasn't home. I was still at work. When I was informed that he was at the house, I promptly left and went home to meet him there. He didn't have a car, so we walked to Dairy Queen. He bought me some ice cream, and we talked. After that was over, we decided to walk to Wal-Mart because he needed some bread. And then, we walked back to my house. So, all we really did was walk, eat ice cream, walk some more, buy bread, walk some more, and talk in that time.
Hi. I'm going to address this topic politician-style and not really address the issue that's being presented or the question that's being asked. In other words, this isn't about my best date. But, I am going to talk about some good experiences I've had and say why I liked them.
1. Once upon a time, there was a young man wearing a strange and unique hat. I complimented this fellow on the hat, and he promptly asked me out the next time we saw each other. I said yes. He arrived for our date almost a half an hour early. I wasn't home. I was still at work. When I was informed that he was at the house, I promptly left and went home to meet him there. He didn't have a car, so we walked to Dairy Queen. He bought me some ice cream, and we talked. After that was over, we decided to walk to Wal-Mart because he needed some bread. And then, we walked back to my house. So, all we really did was walk, eat ice cream, walk some more, buy bread, walk some more, and talk in that time.
And yet, this was a good date. I know that the description probably doesn't make it sound like a good date, but I really enjoyed the time I spent with him, even though it was evident (to me) based on our conversations that he and I were not too compatible. He was perfectly polite, kind, and interesting. And while I said "no thank you" when he asked me out again, I still maintain that it was a very, very good date.
2. I hate getting up early. But one time this guy who I was slightly interested in asked me if I would go to breakfast with him at 7 a.m. I think I probably tried to talk him into a later time, but eventually decided to go at 7. Afterall, it was free breakfast with a really cool guy. We met with a couple of other couples at 7 a.m. at this hick restaurant with all of the old timers and discussed riveting things, such as John Wayne movies. And while I had nothing to add to the discussion, except for a hazy memory of "True Grit," the breakfast was tasty, and I was glad that I had gotten up to go with him. And he smiled a lot. Enjoyable.
3. One time I had a friend who asked me if I wanted to go play ultimate croquet with him. I think my roommate ended up going with his roommate, as well. Anyway, there was a gigantic group of people there all on dates. We were on a team, and played this croquet course at a park, going over all sorts of obstacles. I love croquet, so I really enjoyed this date. And my date was polite and well-mannered. I don't think I talked a lot because I didn't know very many people, and I'm shy like that. But it was nice to have my roommate there so I didn't have to feel totally weird around all the people I didn't know.
Analysis:
1. This date was fun because my date was ultra-polite, attentive to me, and a good conversationalist. He was a good date.
2. This date was great because I already had interest in my date. When that happens, the activity, conversation, or whatever happens matters less than if the date is with someone for whom I don't already have interest. I mean, John Wayne... guh? Oh, and also, he fed me. I like food. Especially bacon.
3. This date was enjoyable because it was relaxed and an activity that I really enjoy. If someone invites me to do something that I already want to or like to do, then that is awesome!
So, I guess that there are a lot of different ways to enjoy dates. I think that I enjoy dates the most if the following elements are involved:
1. A good conversation
2. Interest
3. A fun activity or something that I want to do
And sometimes food. Mostly if I know there will be food.
How about you? What sort of elements do you like in a date?
2. I hate getting up early. But one time this guy who I was slightly interested in asked me if I would go to breakfast with him at 7 a.m. I think I probably tried to talk him into a later time, but eventually decided to go at 7. Afterall, it was free breakfast with a really cool guy. We met with a couple of other couples at 7 a.m. at this hick restaurant with all of the old timers and discussed riveting things, such as John Wayne movies. And while I had nothing to add to the discussion, except for a hazy memory of "True Grit," the breakfast was tasty, and I was glad that I had gotten up to go with him. And he smiled a lot. Enjoyable.
3. One time I had a friend who asked me if I wanted to go play ultimate croquet with him. I think my roommate ended up going with his roommate, as well. Anyway, there was a gigantic group of people there all on dates. We were on a team, and played this croquet course at a park, going over all sorts of obstacles. I love croquet, so I really enjoyed this date. And my date was polite and well-mannered. I don't think I talked a lot because I didn't know very many people, and I'm shy like that. But it was nice to have my roommate there so I didn't have to feel totally weird around all the people I didn't know.
Analysis:
1. This date was fun because my date was ultra-polite, attentive to me, and a good conversationalist. He was a good date.
2. This date was great because I already had interest in my date. When that happens, the activity, conversation, or whatever happens matters less than if the date is with someone for whom I don't already have interest. I mean, John Wayne... guh? Oh, and also, he fed me. I like food. Especially bacon.
3. This date was enjoyable because it was relaxed and an activity that I really enjoy. If someone invites me to do something that I already want to or like to do, then that is awesome!
So, I guess that there are a lot of different ways to enjoy dates. I think that I enjoy dates the most if the following elements are involved:
1. A good conversation
2. Interest
3. A fun activity or something that I want to do
And sometimes food. Mostly if I know there will be food.
How about you? What sort of elements do you like in a date?
12 comments:
I think this is an interesting topic, and I'm glad you chose it: what makes a date good.
First I just have to say story number one is totally awesome. I'll tell you what I like.
I like that you didn't kill the date. I mean you didn't let anything stop you from having a good date.
He showed up early, which could have really bothered some people, of course late bothers some people too, but that is neither here nor there. And then you walked, and went shopping. I love it. No matter how many things he did that most people would balk at you made the date a good time for the both of you. I'm also glad that you realized that you needed to tell him when you didn't want to go out anymore. I actually really respect a girl if she tells me this, you know, as long as its polite and timely. A nice clean break is so much nicer than ignoring them, or 'having to wash your hair.'
Communication is so important.
#2 I love breakfast dates.
Again this story is awesome.
I too try to avoid 7 a.m. like the plague, but I'm glad you made the time for the date. On of my best dates ever was a breakfast date.
I asked out this girl for something, but she was busy, in fact she was always busy. She had a lot of dating options, but she let me know that she could make time for me in the morning. I don't think we went out again, but it was so good the time that we did.
I'm out of time, but I'm interesting to hear what everyone else thinks on the topic.
Thanks for writing, and thanks for exchanging blogs with me. It's fun and different and I'm happy that we did it (okay I admit it, I was struggling with this week's blog anyway, but I'll have one for your blog soon).
thanks again
W
Since I am an old married woman... I like dates where my husband just surprises me and we do something that is out of the ordinary for daily life.
Back when I was in dating mode, I usually enjoyed dates that didn't cost much but required a little more planning, like hiking and a picnic or things like that.
Not to say all cheap dates are good... I went on one where the guy took me to Taco Bell and told me I had a limit of $4 for my food if we were going to make the movie. He refused when I said I could buy my own food if needed. Then we went to a dollar movie and he told me that we couldn't have treats because he didn't have enough with dinner AND the movie tickets. That was pretty awkward.
I love that you gave different kinds of examples for good dates. I think sometimes people need to see that, to have ideas and to not expect movie style dates all the time. You know what I mean?
I have to say, I disliked most dates I went on before I went out with my husband, because I either a. didn't really like the person but didn't want to turn them down, or b. I was scared to death to go on a date and I was too worried about how to act to have fun with it.
I went on a good date last week. A guy I only kind of knew called me up and asked if I would like to go on a walk with him. I said OK. We walked around at the park by my house for about an hour and we talked the whole time. He didn't spend any money on me, and it was just a nice, pleasant evening. (I think I almost liked it more because he didn't spend any money on me.)
I know from previous conversations with Cardine that she believes that even if you aren't interested in your date, you can still BE a good date. I like that approach to dating. I don't think I have much in common with the guy I went on the walk with, but I think we are both better people now because of that walk.
Recently I told a friend about a date I had planned for a first, somewhat-blind date which involved hiking. He (my friend I told) exclaimed that hiking was a horrible idea, because it traps the guy (my date) into an awkward position of coming up with or continuing a thread of conversation. I pretty much just let that comment go, but really... do any of you see any red flags with that?
I could see nothing wrong with it, especially since I already knew an important detail about my date - he liked to hike.
But, what do you think? Or am I asking the wrong population... mostly women who don't think like men & Warnser who enjoys conversation.
I love that you are so thoughtful & such such courtesy! Guys should be lining up to date you!!
I'm sort of surprised by all the support for the lost cost dates.
I totally love croquet in the park and other such dates, but I think sometimes, the girls I go out with want me to spend more money.
And sometimes I feel like I should be spending more money. I try not to be stingy, but I do lean toward the side of frugality.
So do the 'rules' change after a certain number of dates?
Do people expect more money at certain points in a relationship?
Ok and then there are my thoughts about communication on dates.
My first thought about hiking on dates is that it's totally fine. I have enjoyed some hiking dates very much. Obviously some people might not but some people would.
I think there are some extra things to consider.
First I would say what are the conditions of the hike? Is it hard? Is it long? I would likely vote against these. Are you bringing water, or food? Do you know if they hike?
Another thing that actually may be important to think about is how far is the drive?
I have on occasion taken a date someplace not in the town we live, and had a great date... until that silent last hour driving back home. I'm not sure why I choke on dates, but sometimes my mind and my mouth just don't work in unison. For me I would generally like to avoid that possibility. I mean I don't need a long drive to kill a date, but sometimes even great dates have been killed by two people both not having anything to say at the same time.
And in this situation as in most BOTH people have to try to make sure there is good conversation. If you know there are going to be lots of opportunities to talk, you should try to have something to talk about.
whoa that was huge!
Warnser, I'm sure there are girls out there who think poorly of a frugal date. So be it. However, as Cardine has shown, you can have a good time on any kind of date if you're both trying to BE a good date. Someone who has that attitude will enjoy croquet in the park just as much as dinner at a nice restaurant (sometimes more so).
I tend to want nonstop conversation on dates (and in general), but I'm learning that it's okay and natural to have quiet times. My last boyfriend taught me that. We talked and laughed a lot, but I was comfortable enough with him that it was nice to sometimes not say anything. Not that I couldn't have come up with something to say - I just didn't feel the need to. However, that was awhile into the relationship, so I'm not sure if I'd feel that comfortable on the first date. Actually, the first date is easy because there's so much about my date that I don't know. The hard part is not to seem like I'm interrogating him all night!
warnser - Thanks for your compliments.
jill - Yeah, being frugal is good and all, but that date you mentioned sounds frustrating! I don't know what I would think.
Also, I agree, even though I'm not married. I like doing stuff that is out of the ordinary.
tearese - I'm actually rather uncomfortable on dates, too. I have had to force myself to try to relax.
dub - Ooooh, nice date! A walk! Seriously, that sounds fun. I really just feel like walking sometimes, so I bet I'd like it.
sarah - I've noticed that I tend to feel like going out with the guy again more if we have good conversation. He has to pique my interest somehow.
dana - I'm glad they don't line up, but thanks!
warnser (again) - I confess that sometimes I get tired of (or feeel uncomfortable) talking about myself. So, that's when I try to steer the conversation to them and ask questions. Maybe that would work?
julie - You really are one of the most personable people I know.
Ok another comment just for you.
1/2 early? Does he realize you are a girl? LOL At least I would have a problem with this. You are great. That would have thrown me way off the rest of the date. I really enjoyed reading about the 3 choices of what you considered good dates and why. Thanks for sharing.
I meant half hour by the way. :)
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