A Little Agency Goes a Long Way.

For some reason I'd like to talk about agency.
It seems like a good concept,
at least in theory it does.
But so many people seem to have a problem with it.

Let's examine for a moment the principle of Agency in relationships.

Let me start by stating my basic premise:
I believe people ought to be able to exercise their agency,
especially when it comes to important circumstances, such as
Relationships. I believe that no one and nothing should be able to,
or be forced to take it from you. I believe people should and can be happy with their decisions.

Sometimes however people seem to think that Agency is good as long as it benefits me.

Example: Many girls just happen to live in the same place.
(some people call them apartments)
These girls are hetrosexual, and thus would date guys.
These girls know a guy.
Which girls does he date?

Obviously this is a stupid question.
and yet at this point many people would answer it.

Lets assume that this guy does date, at least sometimes maybe.
So here's the question. Should he decide or should they decide?
Should he pick one? or does he even have to pick?
Or do they vote on it. Maybe date through democracy.
(hey democracy's not that bad, I mean look at America, Slick willy was very bright,
and G W at least has some morals.

Or perhaps we could play this a different way.
Maybe it should be first come first served.

How about this one girl selects this guy as hers, then clearly shares this idea with everyone.
Everyone that is except the guy, that would be a sin.

Months even years may go by but some how this guy has to use his telepathy to figure out that he is supposed to be dating this girl. She may be his type, and she may not, but that is not his to decide, at least not yet.

I hope this has never happened to you, cause if you ask me it sounds ludicrous.

So who does he date?
well who does he want to date?
And who is showing interest? Not in a subtle way,
because most of us guys don't do as well with the subtlety as girls do.

And once again why is anyone deciding at this point?

It seems that there is a much more logical method.
If he has any possible interest in someone, he should go out with them.
Once he has done this, he should still be able to go out with any of them.
He should go out with any, and or all of them,
to the extent of his, and her desires.

each and everyone of them should have equal right to choose,
and equal responsiblity to choose, who they will and will not date.

Let's face it after one date you don't often know very much.
So really none of them has any right of assumption.

Of course, once again there is an easier way.
and yes it involves talking, so for those of us who have trouble commuincating with members of the opposite sex, it may not be that much easier,
but, still better.

But here's the thing.
When a person makes a decision. Basically everyone should support it.
let me explain.
Say a guy chooses that he likes a girl.
if she feels the same way,
she should support his decision.

If she does not like him, and cannot foresee liking him, he should support her decision.
After all, how much can you really love a person, if you don't want what makes them happy.

Sometimes, it takes time, but so what?

So here I say it: What ever happened to agency?
Don't we believe in that anymore?
Why can't we make our own decisions?
Why can't they be more informed?
Why don't we want everyone to be happy?
And why can't we be happy independant of their choices?

A little agency goes a long way, but why can't we support it, whether we think we like the outcome or not.